A new direction.

Last time I posted I was talking about the events of October 8, 2013.  I am now on day 37 of being in the hospital.  There have been some up and some downs and some fun in between.  I wanted to change the tone of my blog to let readers know more about how I was thinking than to just write in chronological order this whole experience.  Although there are important dates that I will bring up from time to time.  I want people to understand my thought process and why I have decided to "Be Positive" as I can about my AML and some decisions early on that I made for me and no one else.  Because that is what it has meant to me.  Most will understand, some may not.  But those that don't can keep it to themselves.  Since this is a blog without much interaction.  None at all on blogger.com.  I get some replies on Facebook.  I figure it is more of a soapbox that I hope people will like to read.

So, that's the change.  To write what is on my mind at the time and what I feel is relevant.  I will take some of my post from Facebook and put them here because not all the access my blog have access to my Facebook and there have been some funny stories that I have posted there.  

It was within the first week that I made a few decision that I needed to tell Cindy about.  I remember we had the conversation alone.  But I basically told her that this was my illness and my life.  That live of die I was going to do things the way I wanted.  I wasn't going to worry what any one thought and that included her.  That if I was going to fight this it had to be my fight.  That nothing was going to happen that I didn't want to happen.  It was all my decision.  

With that I had thought back on my life and what I had regretted most and those were the times that I didn't recognize accomplishment or beauty right there in the present.  To show appreciation now instead of thinking... I should of told them they did a good job or I should have told her how pretty she was.  What a nice smile,  How smart you are. Doesn't matter.  But, I have decided that my response to beauty and greatness was going to be immediate.  That I wasn't going to regret not saying what needed to be said when I needed to say it.

I also decided that the people taking care of me during my illness are also people and that I would get to know them on a personal level.  I would ask how their days were going?  If they had to work tomorrow or if they had time off coming up and what they might have planned for it and honestly feel happy for them.  You see I could tell right off the bat this was a rough job for all of them.  That most people that end up here might not necessarily make it home.  And that I was going to do more than wallow in my illness.  Matter of fact I didn't want this to be about my illness and I have made it a point to try not be about my illness.

I have made friends here.  Hopefully life long friends.  Doug, Jodi, Sarah, Melissa, Darci, Jill, Tanya, Ashley, Becky, Danielle, Sarah, Lauren, Danny, Jessica, Gretta, Nikki, Grace, Stephanie, Nancy, Kyle etc. Just to name a few.  I openly hug and show affection for these people and they have even come and visited me in the ICU when I was there.  That means a lot!

Well, this is just a start.  Because of being in the ICU from November 10 through the 12.  I have been trying to get my strength back and my vision and my mind to where it once was.  You will be surprised what a staff infection will do to a body.  Besides almost killing you it really messes up your mind and coordination and it even has been hard for me to see up until now.  But, things are getting better.  I'll update more soon.

Later