It has been five days since I posted. I guess on this Monday I am wanting to write about my stay in the hospital. One thing that has been bothering me a little is after spending 42 days in the hospital and thinking that I had made some connections and friends with the people that took care of me is I haven't heard a word from any of them. I take that back. I received a customer satisfaction call from Kelsey, I think, that was as dry and impersonal as any of those calls could be. How was your stay with us? Could we do anything to improve? Etc.
I am not sure what to think about that. I had several of them say that they would keep in touch. I gave them my contact information and even wrote a thank you note for the whole floor thanking them for their compassion and what I thought was friendship. Not that I would have done anything differently. But, now I wonder if I did something that offended anyone or is it just that was their job. Or I was their job at the time and once you are gone you are gone from their thoughts?
I could tell with a couple of the nurses that they purposely kept their distance. Everything was purely business and about the care. I didn't expect much from them. But, there were a few that I thought we had at least become acquaintances, if not friends. I would have to say that I am a little disappointed. They didn't have to tell me that they would stay in touch. They didn't have to say anything they didn't mean. I would have been the same person no matter how they reacted. I can't tell you how many times that I was told that they all liked me by the floor manager Nikki. I guess it just goes to show you that no matter how you are some people can just not be genuine and to me that is a shame.
I guess to those who might be reading my blog I would say that I was genuine and if to do your jobs you need to have that separation then I guess I understand. But, I would suggest that you don't tell your patients anything that you really don't mean.
So, now I have been home six days and I am still working on getting my strength back up. I am taking my medication on schedule. Nine in the morning and nine at night. I am not sure if I will ever get use to giving myself shots. Hopefully it will only be for two weeks like Dr. Brinker had told me in the hospital. Right now my job is taking my medication and getting my blood work done two days a week. I will know more later today, but, I do think that my counts are up close to normal. I am hoping they are getting close.
It is a long way from being connected to a PIC line and an IV pump. I am still waiting for all the scars to heal. The blood clot is going down which is a good thing. I look back at my time in the hospital and I think about all the blood products that I needed during my stay, the blood transfusions and the platelets, these are what has kept me alive. I had no idea how many blood products a person with blood cancer needs. In my case so far as best as I can count. I had sixteen pints of blood. That is sixteen people that I thank for giving me the gift of life. You know I never thought that all those times that I gave blood of it being like that. I always thought my blood was going to someone that had been in an accident. Until now I had no idea the amount of blood that is needed for people with blood cancers such as AML. That doesn't include the platelets that I needed during my stay. I know that I had eight packs of platelets outside of the ICU and even though it is a little fuzzy I think I remember them giving me five packs of platelets and if that is correct there is an additional thirteen people that I owe my life to so far. A total of twenty-nine people so far that have given the gift of life and I am not done yet. I have now idea how many more blood transfusions and platelets that I will need after each round of additional chemo that I am going to be going through. I guess I state this to put it into perspective for me and for those who give blood or think of giving blood. You are doing a great service. By taking that hour out of your life to give blood you are actually saving a life. We should give it greater importance than what we give it. Because these people are heroes in my mind and I wish I could thank each on of them personally. So enough about that.
It is my hope that it will be after Christmas when Dr. Brinker wants to continue the post induction chemo. But, we won't know until the biopsy on December 4th. That is the key right now. Although I do have hope. Dr. Patel mentioned when I saw her that when she had spoken to Dr. Brinker he was rather hopeful about my recovery. So lets hope that they both are correct and the rest of this chemo therapy goes better than the first two rounds as far as having something happen when my immune system is down. For now I need to stay healthy and that is what I intend on doing.
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